


heavy is the head who wears the crown

by aaxbbxx



Series: Written in The Stars • ASTRO oneshots [23]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Socialites, M/M, Minor Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Minor Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin, not too graphic, rated M for sexual content, this is angst i'm sorry, warnings for mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18725752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaxbbxx/pseuds/aaxbbxx
Summary: Yoon Sanha was pretty. Pretty enough that he knew it and flaunted it every chance he would get.Rocky knew one thing for sure: Yoon Sanha was to be steered away from, at all costs.





	1. Rocky

It was a known fact that Rocky was filthy rich. He was born into old money, had the best education possible, the best job, the best career. He was thankful for it, really, but sometimes he wished he wasn’t born with such privileges. Because even with all these things, he just wanted to have lived a normal life where he’s not reduced to a socialite status. It was annoying and downright pretentious.

 

All the gatherings he had to attend, to show face and converse about the same things; answering with a polite smile to _how’s the business venture?_ Or the disgusting displays of eager and desperate middle aged men and young men like him alike chasing after equally young women _and_ men, who, not only were they flirtatious but were only famous for how well they could dip inside your pocket despite their own wells of money.

 

Even though he hated being associated with all of them, he admits there were benefits to being part of such group. With almost everyone being as arrogant as the next, it was easy to convince one or more to invest in his companies, or charities that he built. Though he didn’t like such functions, that only really existed for the host of the party and guests alike to boast of their current financial pockets, he did meet some of his closest friends there; it also meant it came with plus ones, with their partners and close friend and all.

 

 

Rocky had been the best of friends with MJ and Bin since he was first introduced into the socialite life by his parents as a teen. They had been thrown together by their parents, who were too busy to spend time with their children, and ever since then, they had become inseparable. MJ was older than both him and Bin, by 5 and 4 years respectively, and sometimes – most of the time – acted like the youngest; despite his childishness, he was a renowned paediatrician who kids love. Bin slightly acted like he was more mature than both of them, but he was not, he was as childish as MJ that sometimes Rocky couldn’t believe he was a psychiatrist because being calm and reserve didn’t fit the bill; then again, Bin can be quiet if he was not feeling up to it, and was a good listener, so there’s that.

 

A few years, maybe six or so, was when the partners came in, Jinwoo and Dongmin. Both of them were lawyers that the three had met on one of those cringey events, and since then MJ and Bin were hooked, enough so that MJ was now married to Jinwoo and he was sure Bin was to propose to Dongmin anytime soon.

 

With the two came the other plus one, their best friend (who they always refer to their little brother), Yoon Sanha. Why such a cold title? Because Rocky hated him, hated what he represents and wondered why he was even in the same circle as one Yoon Sanha, but he remembered that his friends were happily in relationships with Yoon Sanha’s friends and his friends’ happiness meant everything, even if he had to endure the presence of one Yoon Sanha.

 

Yoon Sanha was pretty. Pretty enough that he knew it and flaunted it every chance he would get. He flirted with men, same aged or even ten years his senior, and he knew his way around. He had the reputation of the ‘gold-digger’ despite being the richest and youngest multi-billionaire. He was as cliche as one can get, being a top model, fashion business guru with his own line and magazine, he was basically the Kardashian of Seoul, down to the slutty part. But Rocky never voiced his opinions, if only to be respectful to the others, but he did avoid being in the same room as him as much as possible. His friends had an inkling, but never pushed it, just saw it as Rocky being the quiet and reserved man that he was who was reluctant to open up to new people (even though it’s been half a decade since).

 

Rocky knew one thing for sure: Yoon Sanha was to be steered away from, at all costs.


	2. Sanha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Sanha lived reflected the life he has been born into. Empty, too lavish, too much money.

Where Sanha lived reflected the life he has been born into. Empty, too lavish, too much money. Growing up, it wasn’t that way. It was filled with laughter, love and happiness that he wished he could go back in time and stop his young self from ever ruining the life he desperately wanted, _needed_. He wished he didn’t come out, he wished his mother didn’t die shortly after, he wished his father had not been disgusted with the idea that his only son was gay. When he revealed to his parents that he was into boys, he wished they disowned him instead. Instead of ignoring him and treating him like trash, he wished they threw him out, instead of being forced to live a life so disgustingly unlike him. He was made into a pawn in a game he didn’t even want to play. When his mother died, it escalated until to his own father’s dying breath a few months back.

 

Sanha was forced to play dress up, to be used as collateral for his father’s deals, business with other men. Though they never forced him to sleep with them, they might as well have. But he had to play the part, lest his father gets angry and takes it out on him (which he did many many many times, when things don’t go his way). So he grew up in this harsh reality, been dubbed as something he wasn’t willing to even say but knew others were thinking, and he grew lonely, alone and no one to ever understand, had resigned himself to a life of utter emptiness and no one to ever love him.

 

Despite all of this, he met two of his friends, that were more like family than his own. He didn’t know why they treated him differently, why they didn’t see him as others did, but he was thankful. But the first time they had met weren’t the greatest circumstances either, still they stuck around instead of running for the hills. When they saw him, Sanha was in a delirious state, knew that he was drugged again by one of his father’s business ‘deal’, dragged by that same person to a deserted hallway in one of many parties socialite forced to attend. Jinwoo and Dongmin had been there to save him from something he couldn’t even imagine would be happening to him. Since then, they had stuck like glue and never let him out of their sight, they had taken him under their wing. When his father died, he finally told them the truth, how and why he lived his life that way until the very moment his father left the world. They had stared at him with tears in their eyes, sadness and sympathy, and were angry on his behalf, angry that he didn’t tell them sooner. But how could he? He didn’t want them to be dragged into his mess, more so their own partners and friend. He wasn’t number one in their priority, he had to think about their happiness too and he was only a burden. When he said all this, he was hit on the head and was pulled into their arms saying how he was _an idiot and they were family so how could you ever be a burden?_

 

Sanha was thankful he had true friends, and even their plus ones, MJ and Bin had been like family to him since they met five years or so ago. But even with all that said, Sanha still felt the insecurities and vulnerability he had only known growing up, so he was still closed off and secretive, living the life he only knew how. Though he was slowly changing, adapting, but it takes time.

 

Change takes time, but he was willing to go through it.

 

——

 

Sanha flinched a little as the door to their private room in a Japanese restaurant slammed shut, the retreating back of Rocky disappearing just as quickly he showed up. As soon as the elder saw him, he had uttered an excuse and left. The others, namely Jinwoo, Dongmin, MJ and Bin, gave him an apologetic glance that he returned meekly.

 

“Sorry, Sanha, you know how he is.” MJ said, smiling tightly.

 

Rocky hated him.

 

For lack of better words, the man despised him, though Sanha never really knew why, but he could see the loathing and disgust in the eyes of the older, but he never voiced his thoughts to the others, knowing they’d rather him not badmouth their friend. But he had an inkling that it wasn’t because Rocky was not keen on strangers, because it’s been years, and the stares only got colder. Sanha knew it was because of him, and him alone. He also had an idea just why, and he couldn’t blame the older, he was nothing to look at and the way has been would disgust him too. He was just surprised at how his other friends didn’t drop him by now, but he reminded himself he had told them (well, Jinwoo and Dongmin at least, but he knew MJ and Bin weren’t stupid so they at least had an inkling but they wisely kept that to themselves).

 

“It’s okay, Hyung. I’m used to it!” Sanha brightly said, stuffing his mouth full of noodles.

 

“You shouldn’t be.” Bin angrily stabbed at his sushi, Dongmin placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’ll talk to him.”

 

“No!” Sanha yelled out, surprising them. “Please!”

 

“Sanha, he’s our friend but you are our friend too, and he shouldn’t treat you that way just because he thinks–“ MJ was stopped by Bin kicking his leg under the table if the knock below the table were to go by.

 

“Think what?” Sanha asked putting down his chopsticks, eyeing the warning looks Bin have MJ.

 

“Ah, nothing! Nothing!” MJ waves his hands in front of him.

 

Sanha narrowed his eyes. “Think what M-Hyung? I’m sure I heard worst.”

 

He saw Jinwoo and Dongmin wince, because it was true, there was nothing Sanha had heard about him that he hadn’t already. Magazine slanders, fellow socialites, random people. He heard them all.

 

“Ah, Sanha, you don’t need to know.” Bin interjected.

 

“I’m sure I do, at least I’ll know what not to say or do next time.”

 

MJ sighed and reached across to cover his own hand. MJ looked apologetic and he knew what was coming. “Sanha, don’t think anything of it yeah? Rocky doesn’t know you because he hadn’t really bothered. But his opinion of you isn’t true and _we_ don’t see you that way _–“_

 

 _“_ He thinks I’m a slut and a gold-digger that’s only after fame and money.”

 

Sanha knew he shocked them all by his statement and when MJ and Bin looked down ashamedly, he knew he was right. “It’s alright.” Sanha grinned at them, despite feeling his heart breaking again. His hand shook as he pulled away from MJ’s hold and took his chopsticks again, hands unsteady and knew they could see it.

 

“Sanha,” Jinwoo called out but Sanha interrupted.

 

“Let’s eat? I’m famished.” He punctuated his statement with a huge bite of his noodles, effectively closing the matter.

 

Sanha knew Rocky hated him, now he finally knew why. The older was right though and he heard them before from other people, knew how his reputation went, so why did knowing hurt so much? Oh, that’s right, because he was hopelessly in love with Rocky.

 

At least now, he was spot on one thing: he never really had a chance at love, specially not with a man as great as Rocky.

 

——

 

Sanha was home alone, in his too big house, too empty hallways, too silent rooms. He was in his bedroom, his real bedroom, that no one knew about except him. It was on the third floor, practically the attic, a cramped and small space for such a tall person like him, but he loved it. It was decorated with tiny fairy lights and glow in the dark stars scattered in the ceiling that he stares at on many sleepless nights. It was different from his pretentious spacious bedroom, decorated to the nines, where all his facade lay, all the fashionable clothes, the top end furniture, that went with his image, it was all in there, when he had to stay there when he had guests over and his friends wanted to stay for a sleepover or gathering. He didn’t tell them of his real room because it was the only thing he had kept for himself, the only space where he can hide from everyone, where he can have his breakdowns, can be himself, where no one would judge except for his stuffed animals. Did he mention he was a child at heart? Maybe it stemmed from having such a bad childhood growing up that he clung to the good memories before everything went to shit. When he was home, he wasn’t the Yoon Sanha everyone described him to be. He was just Sanha, who loved stuffies, who dressed in oversized clothes that no one would think he’d wear, who loved anything pink and fairy lights, who loved to read books (that though he says his library was for show, he had read practically everything in it) who only wanted to be loved for him and him alone. They would see he wasn’t the perfect model everyone sees him as, that he wasn’t as interested in fashion as he portrays despite owning his own brand and magazine, that he loved participating and donating in charities but was always seen as fake so he tend to do so secretly instead, that he loved watching trash tv, eating sweets. He was just someone who had a lot of love to give despite the fact he knew no one wanted nor would give right back.

 

Sanha hummed as he rearranged his bed, bopping the nose of his stuffed bear, when his intercom sounded and he shuffled over the the wall near his bathroom (he was surprised he could even add one in his room with how limited the space was with the roof not straight and all) when he was stunned at who appeared at his front door.

 

It was Rocky. Though he didn’t look too excited to be there, and Sanha panicked as he looked down at himself, old sweats and a ratty tee and no makeup on, but looked up again at Rocky’s words.

 

“Hurry up!” The older bit out and Sanha immediately replied.

 

“C-coming!” To hell with his outfit, it’s not like Rocky could hate him any less. So he left hurriedly, and was down to his front door in less than two minutes.

 

Sanha took a deep breath and opened the door, hugging himself in one hand as if to protect himself.

 

“Hello.” He mumbled as the older pushed past him and inside his house. It wasn’t the first time Rocky was there, since the six of them sometimes had dinner and gatherings at his place, but it was the first time the older went alone.

 

“Uhm.” Sanha didn’t know what to say, as he stared at Rocky, the older turning just in time to actually see his state. He could tell the other looked surprised, since every other time they see each other (when Rocky was force to anyway), Sanha was always dressed in the top of the line fashion trend and always, always, with makeup.

 

“You look...” Rocky mumbled before he shook his head and the usual cold, poker faced look was back and Sanha sighed inwardly. “Anyway, I’m here because M-Hyung left something and all the others were conveniently not available and he needs it right away.”

 

Sanha nodded slowly, before he remembered a Manila folder he had kept because MJ left it the other day when he and Jinwoo had dinner with him. “Oh, I’ll get it, it’s in my bedroom.”

 

He walked past the man, who followed him silently, and went up to his reel (let’s call it that, since it felt like it was out of the movie anyway) bedroom before he cursed himself when he realized he took it with him upstairs. He didn’t want Rocky to know he had his real bedroom but he didn’t want him to wait long either. He knew he surprised Rocky went he went passed his open bedroom to go up the small and hidden set of stairs up to his attic room.

 

He turned back to Rocky at the base of the stairs. “Is it okay if you wait here?”

 

Rocky slowly nodded but he saw the hint of curiosity in his eyes, to which he ignored for now and went up to get the folder as fast as he could so Rocky didn’t have to endure his presence any longer. When he went down, he stumbled on the last step and would have fallen face first if it weren’t for a hand reaching out and around his waist holding him up.

 

Sanha looked and saw Rocky staring at him before he cleared his throat and stepped away. He was officially dead. He handed the folder silently, to which Rocky received with a nod of thanks. Rocky turned to walk down but Sanha didn’t bother to, he was sure the man didn’t want to see Sanha anymore than he already did, but before he walked down, he turned back around.

 

“What’s up there?” His voice was quiet, curious but all the same, cold.

 

Sanha’s brows raised in surprise as the man never addressed him with anything other than when necessary. So to have him ask... “My bedroom.”

 

Rocky tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips, looking behind him and to his reel bedroom. “I see.” Before he turned and walked down the stairs, and not a moment later Sanha heard his front door close and he breathed out in relief.

 

Sanha knew Rocky would probably not say anything about his second bedroom, would probably just assume he was spoiled that he’d want two so he didn’t bother worrying much. It wasn’t like he could change Rocky’s feeling about him. He would always just be some good for nothing socialite in the older’s eyes, though he was used to that, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

 

Sanha fell down on the last step and sat heavily. Why did he even have to fall in love with Rocky?

 

——

 

“You’re what?!”

 

Sanha sipped his tea gingerly, wondering if he should have ordered cake to go along with it. He sat across from Jinwoo and Dongmin, who sported matching expressions of shock. He invited them out for lunch in one of their frequented cafes that was famous enough for them to be seen at, but out of radar of paparazzis.

 

“You’re quitting modeling?” Dongmin repeated and he merely nodded in reply, setting his cup of tea down. "But why? You're at the peak of your career!"

 

"What about your fashion line?" Jinwoo looked thoroughly confused, because as much as he told them about his father, he never did tell them that he hated his career, that all those high-end fashion didn't excite him as he'd constantly displayed. "Why so sudden?"

 

"To tell you both the truth, I only modelled because I had to. I hate it, as much as I detest vegetables." He grinned, Jinwoo and Dongmin only looking more and more dumbfounded. Sanha giggled at their expressions, and the two faces softened at hearing him laugh, he was never this carefree before and when he was, he usually knee deep in alcohol in parties (the only reason why he could be as flirty as his father wanted).

 

Jinwoo leaned back in his seat and tilted his head to the side. "What are you going to do then?"

 

"Will you just be going to do charity work?" Dongmin was right on that one.

 

"Not quite. Maybe I'll open a bookstore." Dongmin and Jinwoo exchanged looks, they didn't look like they were judging, just more intrigued. "I don't have that big old library for nothing you know, and I am an English major, so maybe I'll even write a book or something."

 

Jinwoo smiled and reached over to pat his head, like a mother would to her child. "That's great Sanha. We'll support you in whatever you need."

 

Dongmin nodded in agreement and kicked his foot in affection under the table. Sanha couldn't be anymore grateful that he had encouraging friends. He was about to open his mouth when the doorbell chimed and two familiar figures walked in. MJ and Rocky. As soon as he saw them, MJ did too, and the elder made a beeline towards them, an exclamation of _'Sanha'_ falling from his lips.

 

"Hey hon." MJ greeted Jinwoo with a peck on the lips and Sanha had to look away, not because he was disgusted but because he was envious that his friends were in a loving relationship, something he'd only ever dream about. "What are you guys doing here?"

 

Dongmin pointed to his plate of half-eaten sandwhich and MJ rolled his eyes, grabbing a chair to sit beside his husband. Rocky did the same, though the only place was beside Sanha, so he reluctantly filled the once empty chair.

 

"Hello, M-Hyung." Sanha grinned at the way Jinwoo changed before his eyes, the lawyer smiling dopily as his husband stole a fry from his plate. "Out for lunch too?"

 

"You seem chipper today, Aga. But yes, I had a meeting, which thanks for giving the folder to Rocky the other day, and I dragged this workaholic out to eat." MJ nodded towards said workaholic beside him.

 

"Hyung, just because I'm working, doesn't make me a workaholic." The quiet deadpan came, just as the waitress approached to take their orders. "Club Seaside Sandwich and some coffee please. Black."

 

"I'll have the burger and fries, with water." MJ added, and the waitress left them alone once again. "Right, and you working during the weekends and overtime doesn't make you one." The sarcasm was dripping with every word, and Sanha couldn't help but giggle, MJ was always so funny, one of the reasons why Sanha was so quick to open up to the elder, besides being Jinwoo's husband.

 

"Anyway, Myungjun, Sanha here had an epiphany." Jinwoo raised an arm to wrap around MJ's shoulders.

 

"Yeah, I almost choked when he told us." Dongmin agreed.

 

MJ turned to him and raised a brow. "Oh? Is that why this one seemed so happy?"

 

Sanha pouted at the three, trying to ignore the heat coming from beside him, the one man that had stayed silent since he ordered. Speaking of, their food had came in just in time, and the two late comers immediately dug in.

 

"It's not an epiphany! I thought about it for a long time." Sanha crossed his arms across his chest.

 

"Okay, hit me." MJ mumbled through his bites, Sanha wondered how he doesn't choke at how often he does that.

 

Sanha opened his mouth to speak before Jinwoo and Dongmin answered for him.

 

"He's quitting the model business."

 

MJ, then, did choke, before Jinwoo handed him some water, patting his back. "W-wait. What?!"

 

Sanha felt the burning beside his head, knew that Rocky was staring at him but had remained quiet. "I'm quitting. Though I'll still have my fashion line, but I'll be more behind the scenes, I'll let the people work on it."

 

MJ swallowed his food. "But, why?"

 

Sanha shrugged, he wasn't sure how to tell them that the only reason he modelled was because he was forced to, that his father said _he was nothing but his looks, that if he was gay, he should just really be one_ and that meant modelling, to his father that is. He didn't understand his father's logic, but it made his father's acquaintances linger more because of it.

 

"Nothing much. Just wanted a change."

 

Rocky scoffed beside him and he stiffened, saw the others did as well, with MJ glaring at the person next to him. Before anyone could make things bigger, knowing MJ would call out Rocky, Sanha did damage control instead. He stood up slowly, gathering his things, which really only consisted his phone and hat, and he smiled at them all.

 

"I'm gonna get going–"

 

"But you haven't even–" Jinwoo tried to interject.

 

"–but I forgot I had a meeting with my manager. I invited you out, so it's on me. Nice to see you MJ." Sanha turned slightly to the other man. "Rocky."

 

He walked away before they could convince him to stay, leaving behind his uneaten sandwich and looks of dismay. Just as he signalled for the worker for them to charge it on his card (they knew him well that all they need to do is charge it straight into his account), he heard MJ hiss out a ' _What the fuck, Rocky?_ ', before he left the door before he could hear anymore.

 

Sanha didn't have a meeting with his manager since he had quit long before he told his friends, and he had no destination he had to be. But he couldn't stay, not with Rocky there, not with the other man being uncomfortable in his presence. Maybe someday he didn't have to leave for the sake of the other, maybe someday they'd be civil enough to be called friends, even, but right now, that's all Sanha could do, all he could ever do to please the other.

 

–––

 

Another month passed and he has since opened 'DREAM STORE'. He conceptualized the idea that all proceeds from the bookstore would go to charity and had added a small cafe inside so people would stay and read, and it was a hit. He wanted to manage it from top to bottom, but with his status, the tabloids and paparazzis would never leave the store alone, and the store was to be a haven for bookworms like him, so he reluctantly stayed on the sidelines, only ever coming in at closing to sort the newly arrived books and clean the store. His friends had come during his opening, minus Rocky ("Sorry, Sanha, he's overseas right now for a merger," though from Bin's expression, he knew it was just an excuse), and they had been proud at his work, even offered to buy some books for the cause. Sanha practically lived at the bookstore at night, during the times when the insomnia was at its worst and his fingers couldn't seem to stop shaking as the pent up energy accumulated. Instead of reaching for his usual dose of alcohol, he'd grab his keys and drive to his bookstore and spent the rest of the time doing inventory, arranging things, anything. Still, he was happy, happy that he had something that he can finally call his own, and though it didn't fill the hole in his chest, but it was a fraction of it that made the ache seem less. But of course, Sanha's happiness was always short-lived, and he should have known something good never had a spot in his life.

 

Sanha stared blankly at the raging flames, the heat of the fire, the burning smoke that seem to cloud around him, engulfing the only thing that brought contentment and joy, if only for awhile. There were yelling voices, sirens blaring, lights flashing, but he stood there as if no one else was, unmoving even as the fire raged on.

 

Sanha had been at home, typing up some paper works and pay checks for the month, when he had received a call from the bookstore. His heart had frozen, and he immediately left in a hurry, bypassing red lights until he arrived at his precious bookstore. It was already in flames but he opened the door and gathered his one worker, a teenaged girl working part-time, and got her out of there. He didn't know what took over but he went back in to save as much books as he could before the fire fighters arrived and stopped him. All he could do then was just stand and stare. He wasn't sad that he just lost millions worth of money, he was devastated because someone had caused such travesty that would affect hundreds of children (although he could directly donate more, he still does anyway) but also the fact that someone despised him enough that setting his bookstore on fire was a sure way to hurt him. It did. It hurt. Because he thought he finally had something, something to live for, to live on, to have some form of happiness. But that was taken away too.

 

"Sanha?" A voice, then two arms wrapped around him. "Let's go."

 

Sanha stood his ground, his feet unwilling to move, knew how much of a mess he was, but he didn't want to leave.

 

"Sanha?" A hand tilted his face away from the scene, his blurry vision of tears clearing to see Jinwoo staring up at him sadly. "Come on, let's go home."

 

"My b-bookstore." Sanha whimpered, until he wailed, sound muffled as Jinwoo grabbed him and pulled him in a tight hug, a cloud of comfort. He couldn't even remember calling anyone, but he was glad Jinwoo was there.

 

"It's all going to be okay, Aga." Jinwoo muttered in his ear as he continued to cry in his shoulder, bracing himself against the older as another sob rip through, all those years of pent up sadness, and grief, finally coming out.

 

What had Sanha done to deserve this kind of life?

 

–––

 

It must have been hours later and Sanha found himself staring at the familiar wall of Jinwoo and MJ's living room. He was freshly showered, and wearing pyjamas he must have left over from the bunch of times he slept over. When they had arrived at the couple's home, he was in a state of shock and was guided over by Jinwoo up the front steps and inside the warmth of their home. He was still aware enough to know, that it wasn't just MJ home, and their other friends were too. He was basically catatonic as everyone around him rushed around, MJ's soothing hands and Dongmin's guiding him up the spare bedroom, cleaning him up before bringing him back down to sit in the living room. He didn't know where Jinwoo went, but heard Bin and even Rocky's hushed voices echoing around him, though his mind didn't register the words.

 

"Here." A mug was pressed against his hand and he startled from his staring as he looked up to the connected hand, eyes meeting Rocky's usually cold glares, now filled with something akin to pity.

 

"T-thanks." He croaked, shaking hands gathering the cup securely on his lap.

 

"Sanha-ya," MJ cooed as he approached him, sitting beside him and pulling him close. "It's going to be okay."

 

Sanha placed the, now that he looked, tea on the coffee table and curled up against MJ, seeking comfort.

 

"We'll rebuild, we'll all help." Bin said solemnly, as he sat across from him with Dongmin.

 

"I'll look into it, the reason why this happened." Jinwoo stood by the couch, beside Rocky.

 

Sanha was grateful for their offer, but rebuilding wouldn't help anyone, besides he can afford it on his own, but he doesn't think it would make a difference. Something like this was bound to happen again, his reputation already stained something good, and it will only continue to do so. If people hated what he had done, they will continue and the cycle would go on over and over, the hole in his chest sinking deeper and deeper.

 

"You don't need to." Sanha mumbled quietly, fingers curling against each other.

 

"We know you can afford it but we want to help–"

 

"I mean, I won't be rebuilding." Sanha interrupted Bin, and was met with confusion.

 

"What, why not?" MJ said loudly, causing him to flinch, the elder apologizing immediately. "Sorry, but Sanha, why?"

 

Sanha shrugged, didn't want to say what he thought, and he knew they won't drop the subject so he spoke again. "I'm tired."

 

Dongmin looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it, nodding in understanding instead.

 

"Okay, let's take you to the spare–" Jinwoo walked towards the entryway of the living area.

 

"Actually," Sanha sat up and looked at Jinwoo. "Can you take me home?"

 

"What, why? You can stay here for the night Sanha." MJ interrupted.

 

"I don't want to disturb you." Sanha mumbled.

 

"Nonsense." Jinwoo shook his head.

 

Although Sanha wanted more than anything to stay, he knew it wouldn't be good if he did. He was better alone, and something like this, he can't handle being around them. He's not used to it, and it made his skin crawl. Also, he knew they were all supposed to be having dinner or something and he ruined their night.

 

"I need to go home. Please, hyung." Sanha stared at Jinwoo, begged him with his eyes to understand.

 

Jinwoo sighed, looked towards MJ's shaking head, back to Sanha. "Fine. Only if someone stays with you."

 

Sanha started shaking his head no. "What? I'm a grown up!"

 

"I'll do it."

 

Everyone turned disbelieving looks at Rocky, who has finally broken his silence. He had his usual blank face but he was staring at Sanha.

 

Sanha didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He never thought Rocky would willingly go somewhere with him, much less his own home and staying the night.

 

"That's a good idea!" Bin exclaimed, and before Sanha could protest, everyone stood up and was running around while Sanha looked helpless.

 

–––

 

The car ride home was awkward, not being used to being alone with Rocky, as the older drove them in the direction of his house. The silence in the car only made things weird with tension, but he was glad Jinwoo and MJ only lived a few kilometers away, so it wasn't long till they arrived.

 

As Sanha got off the car, still in pyjamas, thanking the heavens that his subdivision banned reporters and paparazzis, he turned towards Rocky.

 

"You don't have to stay. I'll just tell them you did."

 

Rocky gazed at him for a moment, making Sanha avert his eyes. "I said I'll do it didn't I?"

 

"You don't exactly like me..." Sanha trailed off quietly.

 

"That may be true, but I'm not heartless."

 

Sanha's heart dropped, realizing Rocky was doing this because of pity, he should have realized. Why he had his hopes up, he doesn't know.

 

When they got in, he led Rocky towards the spare bedroom, beside his reel bedroom. The older didn't bother to say anything, but had closed the door to his face, Sanha was just glad he didn't slam it. Sanha sighed and trudged quietly up the stairs towards his attic, softly closing the door behind him. He walked the few meters towards his bed, flat on the ground, and he dropped on the edge, feet stretching across the floor, and laid down.

 

Why couldn't he be happy for once? Why did he have to be pathetic? Why did he have to live?

 

Sanha closed his eyes, knowing sleep won't come, tried to stop the onslaught of tears. He dragged his hand across his side, feeling the bumps of scars caused by the hand of his father and by his own. Wondering if he should have stayed in the building, let the fire consume him instead. It would certainly beat living life miserably. But he was a coward, on top of being wretched, and he tried many times to take his life, but always backed out at the last second. But maybe this was the last straw, maybe this was a sign that no matter what he tried to change himself, to actually live like himself, no one wanted him regardless. He knew his friends would probably be sad if he did leave them, but they'll survive, he wasn't as important than them.

 

Sanha gasped as a hand wiped his tears, and his eyes flew open to see Rocky crouched down and looking at him. He was unreadable as always, and when Sanha stared back silently, tears still running down his cheeks, Rocky only tilted his head to the side before sighing, and crawled his way beside Sanha, pulling up the shocked ex-model in a proper position and into his chest.

 

"You can cry."

 

Sanha did, tears soaking Rocky's shirt, grip tight on it while the business mogul ran soothing hands up and down his back.

 

When Sanha woke up the next morning, he felt like shit, his head pounded and his eyes swollen. He wondered what woke him, and he remembered falling asleep from exhaustion in Rocky's arms, but the place beside him was empty, and he thought it was his imagination, until he heard a bedroom door close, followed by footsteps going down the steps, then the faint sound of the front door slamming shut in the empty house. He realized it wasn't imagination at all, but it was all real.

 

Sanha sighed as he curled up into a ball, the faint smell of cinnamon, lingering on the pillow beside him and he shamely buried his nose in it, the only evidence Rocky was even there. He knew after last night, it would be the first and last Rocky would be kind to him. Knowing the hasty leave, was proof of that statement.

 

He wondered when would he ever get a break? From all these misfortunes. He was tired, _so, so,_ _tired_.


	3. Rocky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the fire was the last time Yoon Sanha was ever seen in public for the next three months.

The day of the fire was the last time Yoon Sanha was ever seen in public for the next three months.

 

Rocky sighed inwardly, pushing his glasses up his nose as he listened on to the presentation in front of him. He glanced down at his phone, _1:19PM_ , before deciding this was going nowhere, and raised a hand, the speaker immediately quieting down, the rest of the board looking to him.

 

"That's all for today. Let's continue tomorrow." Then he stood up and left the meeting room, leaving the rest of the members slumping in relief as the tension eased, loosening his tie as he pressed the elevator to go down.

 

For the past three months, since that fateful night, Rocky had been in constant confusion, at his actions and feelings. Ever since he met Yoon Sanha, he had always felt different around the younger man, but concluded that it was because he loathed him. Lately though, his feelings of hatred started to shift and his heart clenched every time he imagined those soft, sad eyes. He knew his friends were catching on, but all he cared about was the ex-model and those pleading eyes that always seemed crestfallen, and all he wanted to do was make them shine with happiness.

 

He tapped away on his phone as he texted Jinwoo an apology for being late and that he'd be there in 10 minutes. He was supposed to meet Jinwoo and MJ for a late lunch, but it had become later, but he sighed in relief when Jinwoo had told him to take his time. Rocky rubbed the bridge of his nose, an oncoming headache coming in, and he rolled his neck back, as he drove down the streets of Seoul. As he stopped at a red light, his gaze stopped at a magazine stall to his left and Sanha's face splashed multiple covers, headlines making him tighten his knuckles on the wheel and clenching his jaw.

 

_'Fashion Backward? Ex-Model Sanha: Hermit in the Making'_

 

_'Where has the notorious flirt disappeared to? Yoon Sanha lost to the world'_

 

Rocky pressed the gas pedal as hard as he could as soon as the light turned green, gritting his teeth at the tabloids Sanha was portrayed as. Even absent, Sanha had a reputation, and he was mad at himself for ever thinking that way about the angelic man.

 

All those months ago certified that he didn't know Yoon Sanha at all. He only knew what the magazines wrote about, and it blinded him from ever seeing the man in true light. When he went to pick up MJ's documents on that one day, his curiosity was peaked as Sanha revealed his 'bedroom', that he saw the man would frequent whenever they were at his house for some gathering or two, was not his 'bedroom', if the admittance of saying the extra set of hidden stairs were anything to go by. When Sanha had appeared in such normal clothes, in sweatpants no less, he was taken aback at how plain it was, so different from the usual Gucci or Tom Ford pyjamas he'd often see when they all were staying out in a hotel for a function. How willingly Sanha invited him in without making a fuss of his appearance, was a Sanha he didn't know existed until then. When the younger opened a bookstore that donated the proceeds to a children's foundation, he couldn't believe it, and he wanted to attend the opening just so he could, but business came first and he couldn't skip out on one of the biggest mergers he acquired.

 

When Sanha looked absolutely devastated at the loss of his bookstore? His heart went to the young man and his heart was crushed at the tears he shed that one night.

 

Rocky arrived at the restaurant, and was led to the private room Jinwoo had booked for the three of them. As soon as he was within earshot, he heard hushed voices of contained anger, and frowned, deciding to not go in just yet, succumbing to the power of eavesdropping.

 

"If that bastard wasn't dead, I would have killed him." MJ could be heard hissing. "Why the fuck have you only told me about this now, Park Jinwoo?!"

 

"Babe–"

 

"Don't babe me!"

 

" _Babe_ , look. I didn't even know until he died, and that's only because Sanha broke down and finally told me and Dongmin everything, but he made us promise not to tell anyone. I'm only telling you now because I think it's about time, especially with the way he's been lately."

 

"Our baby~" MJ whimpered. "How did we not realize? How did we let him go through with all that?"

 

"He's a great actor."

 

Rocky decided he had had enough, and showed himself, angrier than his friends saw him before.

 

"What the fuck was going on with Sanha?"

 

"Rocky!" MJ and Jinwoo stood up in unison, chairs scratching loudly on the floor.

 

"Someone better explain."

 

Jinwoo looked at him for a long time, before he ran a hand down his face tiredly, gesturing for the seat across from them. MJ looking close to tears beside him and Rocky didn't know if he was ready to hear it.

 

"You better sit down. It's going to be a long one."

 

–––

 

' _Gold-digger_ ' and ' _Slut_ ' were the two words Rocky had loosely called Sanha. He had never masked his distaste for the man, and often avoided him at all costs because of said descriptions. But oh how wrong was he.

 

Rocky leaned back in his chair, hands gripping his hair tightly, disbelief, shame and anger filling up his body all at once. Disbelief at what he just heard, shame for his shallow opinions, and anger at himself for never taking the time to get to know Yoon Sanha.

 

Yoon Sanha was a mole used by his bastard of a father. He was paraded around like some sort of toy for men to play with so his father can become richer and Sanha, poor, angel, Yoon Sanha, had sucked it up and played the part for years.

 

"How could I ever..." Rocky licked his dry lips, throat tight.

 

MJ glared at him across the table. "I warned you a billion times that Sanha was not who you think he was." Jinwoo only looked away from him. "The Sanha you know is the Sanha the facade he was forced to wear. When I first met him, he was nothing but kind and bubbly, but despite all of that, there was always something lost in his eyes, a faraway look he'd wear when he thinks no one was looking. Thanks to you, he's always reminded of what people think of him. You could have just kept you mouth shut during the times we are all together, but no, you always end up making him leave so you can feel better for yourself."

 

"I'm sorry." That was all Rocky could say. "I didn't know–"

 

"Regardless!" MJ interrupted, slamming a hand down on the table, breathing hard. "I love you Rocky, but your actions... you better change them, especially now that Sanha isn't in great condition. He doesn't need any more reminders of what he's trying to overcome."

 

Jinwoo sighed, covering MJ's hand with his own, before looking at Rocky. "Look, I don't know what your problem with Sanha was, but I can tell something changed the last few months, and from what I see right now, you regret it and it's weird as fuck but I feel like you have some certain feelings about Sanha that's been brimming on the surface."

 

Jinwoo was spot on, sometimes Rocky thought Jinwoo was more of a psychiatrist than a lawyer with how well he reads people, but then again, lawyers were supposed to be good at that too.

 

"You're right. My feelings for Sanha had changed." Rocky looked at MJ and Jinwoo seriously. "I'm not saying much about it, because I, myself, don't really know _what_ it is. But all I know is I care abut Sanha very much, and I'm going to fix my problem."

 

MJ and Jinwoo stared at him for a moment, before the younger of the two smiled at him, and got something out of his pocket. "Here, it's the key to his house. I'm sure he'd want some friends over."

 

Rocky took the key hesitantly. "Are you sure? I thought he's not in good condition?"

 

"He's not in good condition to go out in public right now, and even if he said he'd rather be alone, I'm pretty sure that was a lie. He had his bad days though, and might not talk much, but on the good days, he's his normal happy self." MJ mumbled, before smiling reassuringly. "I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

 

"Me?" Rocky raised a brow at MJ and Jinwoo's knowing smirks, not liking how they knew something they didn't. But the two only shrugged before starting to eat, conversation officially ending.

 

Now, all Rocky needs to do is fix the bridge he burnt down.

 

–––

 

Rocky opened the door to Sanha's house slowly, noting the silence upon entering. He didn't bother to call out, and instead went straight to the kitchen with the grocery bags he brought with him, setting everything up as he went about to start cooking dinner for him and Sanha.

 

First step, make amends and hope for Sanha's forgiveness.

 

An hour and a half later, food was ready and the chicken terriyaki, beef dumplings and ramen were making him hungry, so he decided it was time to get Sanha. He was surprised that the younger hadn't come down, and thought maybe he was sleeping. Rocky bypassed the picture perfect bedroom and silently went up the set of extra stairs that led to the attic bedroom he had entered months ago. Upon entering, he couldn't help but smile at the familiar fairy lights adorned around the room in different directions that still gave off a good aesthetic. He chuckled softly at the amount of stuffed animals decorating the room including the bed, where he had laid with a distraught Sanha on the night of the fire. Then his gaze landed on the very person he was looking for, and his heart squeezed at the dark circles underneath Sanha's eyes, so unlike the peaceful expression the younger wore as he slept soundly. Rocky approached the sleeping form, crouching like he had done before, and reached out with a finger to trace Sanha's cheek softly, feeling the tender and smooth skin like that of a baby's.

 

"Sanha~" he crooned sofly, making sure his voice was as pleasant. "Wake up."

 

Sanha's nose scrunched up adorably and he called him again. "Sanha~"

 

"Mhmm." Sanha mumbled and shifted in his position, nose buried in, now that the younger had moved, a stuffed rabbit.

 

"Sanha? Wake up." He shook the adorable man, until eyes peeked blearily at him.

 

"Huh?" Sanha rubbed a hand against one eye and Rocky couldn't help but want to coo at the cuteness of it. _Fuck, Rocky when did you become soft?_

 

"Hey." Rocky greeted as Sanha finally opened his eyes, blinking in confusion at him.

 

"Rocky? W-What are you doing here?" Sanha sat up slowly, revealing a rumpled lavender sweater a size bigger than him.

 

"Dinner? I cooked." Rocky smiled, hoping it came across friendly. But now it was his turn to blink rapidly at Sanha, as the younger poke at his cheek.

 

"Are you real?" The innocent question made him laugh. How did he ever think Sanha was one of those pretentious and spiteful people?

 

"Yes, and food's going to go cold, if you don't come down." Rocky stood up and offered a hand, to which Sanha had stared at for a moment before shyly accepting and stood from the bed.

 

Rocky led them down the two flights of stairs until they reached the kitchen, where the food was laid out on the breakfast bar. He deposited Sanha on one of the stool chairs, to which the younger mumbled his thanks as he stared in awe at the food. When they were both seated, they dug in their food quietly, until Sanha broke the silence.

 

"Not that I'm thankful, but I'm just confused."

 

Rocky slurped some noodles into his mouth. "What's got you confused?"

 

Sanha gestured to the food and to Rocky. "This. You. I'm not following. I thought you hate me."

 

The last part was mumbled but Rocky heard it and couldn't but sigh. He put his chopsticks down and turned to face Sanha fully. "I'm sorry Sanha. For the way I've been acting like a jerk for years, I know I haven't been the best person. But I'm going to change that."

 

Sanha looked at him for a moment, before he looked away. "Jinwoo-Hyung told you then? Is that it? Is this pity?"

 

Rocky shook his head no, and reached out for Sanha's hand. "Yes he did tell me, but that's not why I'm here, it just happened that he told me the same time. But all this, has nothing to do with what he said, regardless of what he said, I want to be your friend not out of pity."

 

It was silent until Sanha let out a little, "Okay."

 

"Okay?" Rocky wanted to be sure Sanha understood that this wasn't anything about pitying him.

 

Sanha turned to him and smiled. "Okay, be my friend and I forgive you."

 

Rocky smiled back, relieved that he got Sanha's forgiveness, even though he knew he didn't deserve it for the years he was a rude jerk. But he promised himself, he''d do everything he can to make up for those years, make Sanha the happiest and do anything just to achieve that.


	4. Sanha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you sure you're not dating?" Sanha flushed at MJ's snarky question.

Sanha woke up to noises outside, yelping and yelling voices too early in the morning, and he glanced around the room, seeing the familiar colors of black and white furniture, and an addition of small fairy lights at the end of the bed, hanging from the bed posts. He got off the bed, shuffling across towards the door of the bedroom and opening it, just for the sound to amplify.

 

"Bin! Don't touch the bacon!"

 

MJ could be heard scolding said person, as he got close to the kitchen. He leaned across the entryway as he took in the familiar sight. MJ and Bin were fighting near the stove while Jinwoo was laughing at something Dongmin was saying as they both cut up some fruits. His gaze went to look for the next person when he screamed as a quiet voice whispered next to his ear.

 

"Boo!"

 

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing as they looked at him, a hand to his rapidly beating heart and to a laughing idiot, that Sanha would just love to kick.

 

"Minhyuk! Don't do that!" Sanha glared at the businessman, the others laughing along at his misfortune.

 

"Sorry, couldn't resist." Minhyuk walked passed him, patting his head, despite him being taller than Minhyuk. He trailed behind and went to MJ, peering down his shoulder at what he was cooking.

 

It's been a year since the day he and Minhyuk decided to start over as friends, and over time they had become close, as thick as thieves as Dongmin would describe them. Rocky had become Minhyuk when the businessman had slipped and revealed his real name (Sanha wondered how he never knew about the name change all these years, but others did) so ever since then, he had taken to calling him Minhyuk, deciding it fit the man more than Rocky. Rocky had been cold and distant, but Minhyuk had been open and soft, a different version to who he was to Sanha then and now, and he'd rather remember the present.

 

If Sanha fell for Rocky then, it was no surprise how hopelessly in love he was with Minhyuk. But the other didn't know that, and he'd like to keep it that way, lest their friendship be done for. He'd rather have his friendship than nothing at all.

 

For the course of the year, their closeness stemmed to having weekly sleepovers at each other's houses, and Sanha even convinced Minhyuk to bring some fairy lights into his room because ' _it's so bland Minhyuk'_ and the older only relented because Sanha wouldn't stop whining. They had movie nights, and weekly dinners with the rest as usual, and of course monthly (read: as often as possible) gatherings slash sleepovers, just like now. Did he mention Bin and Dongmin finally married?

 

"M-hyung! I'm hungry!" Sanha whined before he was shut up by something stuffed in his mouth.

 

Minhyuk grinned at him cheekily, as he chewed the soft bread the older fed him with. "There." Minhyuk then turned around and walked into the dining table, to set the plates down, hitting Bin's wandering hands as the psychiatrist reached over for a bite of his own.

 

"Are you sure you're not dating?" Sanha flushed at MJ's snarky question.

 

"Hyung! Of course not!"

 

"Doesn't look like that to me." Jinwoo added, giving him a wink as he received the stack of pancakes MJ had finished cooking.

 

Sanha glared at the two, glancing over to make sure Minhyuk hadn't heard anything. "Can you both stop?"

 

MJ raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, but I still think you guys are." Then he left Sanha, avoiding the slap that was headed his way, cackling.

 

Sometimes Sanha wished they were dating, but he thought about Minhyuk's perfect smile, great personality, and overall good nature, and he banished the thought because Minhyuk was out of his league.

 

Since the fire fiasco, Sanha had decided to open another bookstore again, coming to the idea of rebuilding a few month into his budding friendship with Minhyuk. The businessman, along with all their friends, had been supportive and by his side all throughout the process. Minhyuk as his nickname suggested, was his rock, and if it weren't for him, he'd probably never have the courage to face the world again. Sanha had also written a book, about overcoming the past and fears, based solely on his life, though the ending of the book was yet to happen in reality, still not fully overcoming his own, he had felt the words he put on paper and he hoped that one day he will. He had also taken to being active as a socialite again, attending events with Minhyuk, or the rest of their friends, or all of them together, if only for the benefit of his company and charity works. He still had a fashion brand after all, and despite his misgivings on the matter, he had discovered that he had an eye for design and had started to make another line that was eco-friendly and affordable for those seeking for high-end fashion without breaking their bank accounts. Sanha had also went back to modelling his own brands, knowing that by quitting he was only making his father win, and this time he was in control.

 

Sanha was finally taking his life back and he was loving it.

 

The only other thing missing was a partner to spend it with, and his brain would always whisper one name, and he so badly wished for it to come true.

 

"Hey, so there's an art show tonight hosted by Ilhoon, and he invited us all to go." Bin said with a mouthful of bacon, and Sanha watched in disgust as Bin swallowed everything in one go, wondering how he hadn't choked yet.

 

"I'm free tonight." Jinwoo offered, raising his fork with some pancake to MJ, who was tapping away on his laptop, brows furrowed. "Babe?"

 

MJ snapped his head up, and looked around. "Huh? Ah, yes, yes. Me too, sorry guys, they have something going on in the hospital."

 

Dongmin waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. Yeah, I've already cleared my sched."

 

"Wanna go Sanha?" Minhyuk asked him, as he chewed his pancakes in thought. He did want to see some art, since he hadn't been to one in a while. Everyone stared at him, save for Mj who was back to tapping on his laptop, for his answer.

 

"Sure, why not? Nothing's gonna happen at an art show." Sanha laughed, while the rest joined in, Minhyuk patting his thigh before resuming his eating.

 

Famous last words.

 

––––

 

Sanha couldn't remember what happened, one second he was with Minhyuk and Bin, gazing at one of the abstract paintings in the art exhibit, when the both of them had to excuse themselves to talk to some acquaintance. He was left behind, seeing as Jinwoo, Dongmin, and MJ were on one side of the room talking to Ilhoon. In the next second he was approached by a man, with a cocky smirk and familiar features, that he remembered seeing when his father was making some business. He had avoided idle chatter, and turned to leave but was dragged towards the dimly lit corner, that if someone were to look, would not think anything of between two 'chums' speaking privately. Sanha had felt scared at the glint in the man's eye, had struggled to get free, but to no avail, and he tried to scream, he did, but his throat closed off and he couldn't get a single sound out. When he thought the man was about to kiss him, said man was ripped off him and he leaned back on the wall, to see Minhyuk standing over the man now sprawled on the floor. He had tears in his eyes and was gulping in air, when Minhyuk saw his state, and the harsh glare softened when the older approached him.

 

"Let's go home."

 

Sanha had only nodded, and he cuddled close to Minhyuk's side, as the older led them out of the exhibit, followed by words from Dongmin saying they would _take care of things, and to be careful and to see them tomorrow_. Sanha was gently placed in Minhyuk's Mercedes, Minhyuk placing a brief kiss on his forehead before closing the door and heading towards the driver's seat. The entire ride over, Minhyuk hadn't let go of his hand, placing a gently kiss on it every once in a while, offering comfort.

 

When they got to their destination, Minhyuk lead him through his front door, towards Minhyuk's plain, boring but comforting bedroom. He changed into a pair of sweats and a sleep shirt, watching as Minhyuk moved around with ease as he too changed into something more comfortable.

 

"Here, let me take off your makeup."

 

Minhyuk wiped off his face with gentle strokes, his eyes closed as the feel of the cold wipes brushed his skin. Minhyuk finished it off with a kiss to his forehead, and he laid down on his side of the bed, waiting for Minhyuk to finish. When he did, the other turned the lights off except for the fairy lights, and slid next to him, facing him in the dimly lit room, the only light coming from the pink hues of fairy lights.

 

"You okay? He didn't do anything, did he?" Minhyuk softly muttered, hands raking through the strands of Sanha's hair.

 

Sanha shook his head. "You came in time."

 

"Good." Minhyuk pulled him to his chest, and Sanha curled up and wrapped his own arms around Minhyuk's middle.

 

"Thank you."

 

"I'd do anything for you Sanha."

 

Just before Sanha fell into slumber, he heard Minhyuk's soft whisper, silent like the wind, that he wondered if it was his sleepy state that made him hear things.

 

"I love you."

 

––––

 

When Sanha woke up the next morning, he was staring right at Minhyuk, who smiled upon seeing he was awake. He gave his own sleepy tilt of the lips, as he stared at the unkempt hair, rumpled shirt, and soft eyes. Perfect. That's when he did it, just without thinking, because it was so so perfect, the rays of the sun shining down, creating a halo around Minhyuk, making him look like the angel that he was, the angel that given to him, the angel that watched over him.

 

Sanha never thought their first kiss would entail morning breath and still half-asleep minds, but he also never thought they would even have a first kiss at all. It was something not even close to what he had imagined it to be. He thought it would be warm, and inviting. But it wasn't; it was more than that. It was everything in between; it was water and fire; hot and cold; it was the first snow in winter; it was the flower that bloomed in spring; it was what Sanha thought home would be. As he pressed their lips together, he imagined it was the best feeling in the world. When Minhyuk only pressed closer, pulling him in more, pushing against his lips over and over again, as he giggled at the softness of it all.

 

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time." Minhyuk whispered before pressing chaste kisses against his lips, breathing him in with every one.

 

"Me too." Sanha gasped out, holding on to Minhyuk for dear life.

 

"I love you Sanha."

 

Sanha pulled away from the kiss. "That wasn't a dream then?"

 

Minhyuk brushed his hair away from his forehead. "You heard me then?"

 

Sanha nodded shyly and giggled when Minhyuk leaned in to blow raspberries against his neck. "I do love you Sanha. Since I realized how much of a jerk I had been. I promised myself to always do everything I can to make you happy."

 

"That was so long ago." Sanha mumbled, hands running through the fine hairs at the base of Minhyuk's neck. He pulled on it, to lift Minhyuk's head so he can stare at him. "But I love you too, I think ever since the first time I met you."

 

"I guess fate had a way to have fun huh?" Minhyuk joked and Sanha giggled.

 

They stared at each other for a moment, basking in the feelings now in front of them, before Minhyuk leaned down to capture Sanha's lips with his. This time, it wasn't as soft, the hunger that Sanha felt, that Minhyuk, for all the months and years of hiding his feelings, now on the surface, ready to release. Sanha opened himself up willingly to Minhyuk, the other taking as much as he could, breathing together as one. It was exhilarating and Sanha couldn't get enough.

 

"Off." Sanha mumbled as his hands swiped down Minhyuk's side, pulling the offending garment that was hiding that glorious body that he had only seen in passing when he had caught Minhyuk freshly out of the shower. Minhyuk complied with a chuckle, and while he did so, Sanha felt overheated in his own, and also reached down to take his shirt off. He honestly doesn't know where his confidence came from when he pulled Minhyuk on top of him the other giving out a soft groan of ' _Baby'_ to which he flushed at the term of endearment, loving the pet name.

 

It was obvious, by the hard-on pressed against his, that this was escalating quick and Sanha didn't mind. One might think they were going too fast, but he had waited for far _too_ long, and anymore, he might just implode. " _Minhyuk~"_

 

Minhyuk pulled away long enough to drag down their pants, then boxers, before being pulled back in by a too aroused, too impatient Sanha, who hissed at the naked contact of flesh, before whining high at the back of his throat at the hands that made a pathway across his skin, leaving his blood singing.

 

" _Sanha~"_ Minhyuk groaned out, voice muffled against skin where he had buried his head into Sanha's neck, biting at the skin there, Sanha's answering moan fueling the fire and he dragged his tongue across, making patterns around the younger's neck, a beautiful kind of choker, one Sanha knew he would wear with pride.

 

"Please, please, please~" Sanha muttered in a chant, hiccuping, as the pressure became too much and then moaned in relief as Minhyuk finally touched him, giving a firm, slow stroke. Up, down, twist, pull. Until his own hands followed, gripping Minhyuk in his own, their hands moving in sync, like a duet in a kind of song. " _Please._ " Sanha wasn't sure what he wanted, but Minhyuk seemed to know as the quiet little _'shhh, I got you baby'_ he let out just as fingers danced below, near his entrance, and a quick snap of something opening followed by _cold, cold, cold_. Then it became, _warm, warm, warm_. Each stroke inside him, made him arch his back, body flushed up into Minhyuk's own, the older welcoming him, kissing him languidly with each movement.

 

Minhyuk pulled his fingers away and Sanha whined at the loss, opening his eyes, didn't remember ever closing them, and saw Minhyuk staring down at him, breathing rapid, but the gaze he sent gave Sanha shivers that ran down his spine, a mixture of love and lust, passion and something so gentle all at once before Minhyuk leaned and he closed his eyes to welcome the oncoming kiss, but just before their lips met, "I love you Yoon Sanha."

 

As they kissed and Sanha whispered his soft reply, "I love you Rocky." Minhyuk smiled against his lips, before Sanha gasped out as they became one in the moment.

 

Nothing else mattered, only them, as their bodies intertwined, their hearts singing with content, the rays of the sun coating them with pure happiness. The past long buried in history, as they rewrote what should have been, and what would be.

 

 

–––

 

When Sanha woke again, later, body deliciously sore, it was to sets of footsteps and the open and closing of the front door, but he paid them no mind, his attention at the Adonis beside him, whose pair of eyes fluttered open, and the brilliant sleepy smile, could brighten the gloomiest of days.

 

"Hi." Sanha trailed his fingers over Minhyuk's lips. He giggled as Minhyuk reached a hand to press his fingers to his mouth for kisses and nips.

 

"Hello, baby." Minhyuk's croon at the pet name, made his cheeks warm and he leaned forward to bury his head against Minhyuk's neck, breathing in the same cinnamon scent he had become familiar.

 

It was silent after, movements of only their fingers making a trail to whichever sliver of skin was found, the soft caress making Sanha giggle, Minhyuk pressing a feather light kiss to his head. It was soothing, until the door to the room busted open and four bodies tumbled in, stopping only when the two figures of the bed stared at them with raised brows, no sign of moving an inch.

 

"So, this is awkward." Dongmin muttered, cheeks red as he tried to look at anywhere but the two naked, but covered, bodies on the bed.

 

"Woah." Bin blinked rapidly, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

 

"Fuck." Jinwoo groaned and thumped his head on the door behind him.

 

"Jinwoo, babe, you owe me 100,000 won." MJ cackled gleefully, before snapping pictures of them, only stopping when Minhyuk threw a pillow at him, as Sanha hid under the covers squealing.

 

The four left, and Sanha and Minhyuk stared at each other, before succumbing to laughter, the sound glorious and would echo for the following days, weeks, months, and even years; bathing the house with joy for eternity, as they would eventually settle down, get married and additions to their family, their nieces and nephews from Bin and Dongmin, MJ and Jinwoo, until their very own.

 

They did say heavy is the head who wears the crown, but with people by your side, you can overcome and accomplish anything, and maybe one doesn't have to wear it alone, and carry all the burden.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea, then wrote this for the entire day.. Hope you like it! I'll be dividing it into chapters since it's too long for just one. But essentially it's a oneshot.


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